Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What a fucking waste of an outfit
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
