YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
