He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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