you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
