OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
