she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We left the knife in your bed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
