yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
