i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
