Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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