I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
