When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
