I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
