how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize