Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
