when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
