I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
