Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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