what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
