I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
