he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
