i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
