If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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