Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
