and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
