fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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