the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
