Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
