oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
