the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
