Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
