I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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