there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
