I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
