the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
