somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
