so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
