a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
