i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
