You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
