Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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