I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
