So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
