upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Success! We fucked roommates!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
