You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
