We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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