I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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