So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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