So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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