i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
