Pappa wants mamma naked
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
