I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
