The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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